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TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE.


1. My husband and I divorced over Religiousdifferences........
   He thought he was Godand I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
 
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
 
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
 
5. Don't take life too seriously;
    ..........No one gets out alive.



 

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
 

7.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
 
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
 
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
 
10. I'm out of my mind........
     I'll be back in five minutes.



11.
NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy......................

    why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
 
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
 
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
 
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
 
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?



16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
 
17. Wrinkled Was.......
      Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
 
18. Procrastinate Now!



19.
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

 
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
 
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
 
23. They call it PMS because..............
      Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
 
24. He who dies with the most toys........
      ............ is nonetheless DEAD..
 




25.
A picture is worth a thousand words..............

     but it uses up three thousand times the memory.



26
. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken............

     a lifetime commitment for a pig. (How True)

27.
The trouble with life is there's no back ground music.



28.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.


29.
I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

 
Life is too short and Friends are too few !


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   Always keep in mind to:
  1. Spend less than you earn! People who spend every penny they make usually end up going broke.......
  2. Take enough risk on the money you save! Playing safe by putting your money under the mattress or in a savings account will not make you wealthy..

Remember that..... Fully one-fifth of humanity, some 1.3 billion people, struggles to survive on less than $1 per day. About 40% of humanity survives on less than $2 per day. More than a billion people around the world will go to bed hungry tonight. Life expectancy in some 32 countries is less than 40 years. If you have a few extra dollars in your pocket (you don't have to be a millionaire to make a difference), please share some of your financial good fortune with others who are in great need.


Think About It...  Being in the 'now' brings a freedom, unlike living in the past or in the future, which is a kind of imprisonment. This isn't a kind of a denial where you pretend life doesn't have problems. Life is full of problems, but most of those stresses and failures are reliving old hurts or worrying about future concerns. -- Carl Honore

When you 're diagnosed with cancer, you start to bargain with God: "Let me get through this, and I'll take better care of myself. I'll get my priorities in order. I'll learn to live every day to the fullest." Isn't it sad that you have to get sick before giving yourself permission to live life to the fullest? -- Robert Schimmel Look at Life in different & Positive ways