Funny Quotes & One Liners
Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in
mud.
After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually
enjoying it.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble
again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I'm not a complete idiot, there're still some parts missing!
Forgive your enemies but remember their names
The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my
father. He said he wanted more proof.
Some pain is physical and some is mental, but one that's both is dental.
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
One Liners
01. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm
perfect.
02. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
03. If I save time, when do I get it back?
04. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
05. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
06. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
That's Silly
- How do crazy people go through the forest? They take
the psycho path.
- How do you get holy water? You burn the hell out of
it.
- What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam.
- What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho
Cheese.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a
vampire? Frost bite.
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A
Nervous Wreck - (Thanks to A1 for the correction)
- Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you
left him.
- Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have
big fingers.
- What kind of coffee was served on Titanic? Sanka.
- Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because
they wear the belt buckle on their hats. I hope you have seen this.
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