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Quotations
 on Opposite Sex
- What's the number-one fantasy for most guys? Two women, two girls...
That's what they want--two women. Fellows, I think that's a bit lofty. 'Cause,
come on, think about it; if you can't satisfy that one woman, why you wanna piss
off another one? -- Wanda Sykes-Hall
- Comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the
better you think you're doing. -- Ray Romano
- Starting a relationship is like buying a
cellular phone: They let you in real easy. You can get one real cheap. But one
day, that bill will bust your ass. -- Chris Rock
- I
never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
- I told my wife
the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth:
that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. -- Rodney
Dangerfield
- To a man, sex is like a car accident, and determining a female orgasm
is like being asked, "What did you see after the car went out of control?" "Well
I remember I heard a lot of screeching noises. I was facing the wrong way at one
point, and in the end, my body was thrown clear." -- Jerry Seinfeld
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- Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. --
Joey Adams
- Last time I
tried to make love to my wife, nothing was happening, so I said to her, "What's
the matter? You can't think of anybody, either?" -- Rodney Dangerfield
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It's not the men in your
life that counts, it's the life in your men. -- Mae West
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You know that look when
women get when they want sex? Me neither. -- Steve Martin
- They won't advertise condoms on network TV 'cause it'll lead young
people to have sex. Like beer isn't the leading cause of sex amongst young
people. How many people have ever gotten laid because they had too many condoms
at a party one night? -- Jon Stewart
- A new study finds that women use
their whole brain when listening and men only use half their brain. You see,
men use the other half of their brain to come up with excuses. I don't think
women use their whole brain when listening. I think they use half of it, and
the other half is used to memorize what men are saying so they can use it
against them ten years later. -- Jay Leno
- Scientists say they have now developed a pill that will cure baldness,
but one of the side effects of the pill is impotence. That's irony, isn't it?
Now you can get the girl, but you can't do anything with her! -- Jay Leno
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