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 Finally!!! Guys' Rules
Finally, the guys side
of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are
the rules from the male side. These are our rules! *Please note ... these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Crying is
blackmail.
1. You have enough
clothes.
1. You have too many
shoes.
1. If it itches, it
will be scratched.
1. I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
1. If you think
you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. Christopher
Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. A headache that
lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Yes and No are
perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Shopping is NOT a
sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Sunday = Sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Whenever
possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. When we have to
go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. If you won't
dress like the Victoria's
Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you ask a
question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to
hear.
1. Anything we said
6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.
1. If something we
said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.
1.
Come to us with a
problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.
1. Ask for what you
want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hits do not work! just say it!
1. If we ask what is
wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know
you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1.
Don't ask us what
we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
baseball, the shotgun formation. or monster trucks.
1.
You can either
ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you
already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. ALL men see in
only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a
fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve
is.
1. Learn to work the
toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.
Thank you for reading
this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know
men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Magic Watch
A man walks into a bar next
to an extremely hot girl and immediately looks at his watch.
She says, ''Is your date late or something''
He says, ''No I just got this magic watch''.
"What does your watch do that is so amazing?" asked the lady.
"It tells me what is happening."
"What does it say now asked the lady."
"It says you're not wearing panties."
"Well your watch is wrong, I do have panties on."
"Sorry, my watch is one hour fast."
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be
desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
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