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The Cat Scan
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The
vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on
the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a
few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man,
clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat
down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to
tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and
meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that
your dog is dead, too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how
much he owes. The vet answers, "$350."
"$350 to tell me my dog is dead?!" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial
diagnosis. The additional $300 was for the cat scan."
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Listen to Mother!
A mother cat was teaching her kitten cat lore. She explained that this was
the duty of all mother cats since before recorded history and it was
important that her kitten would not do anything to embarrass her when she
allowed her master to play with her.
At the end of the lesson, after she had gone over all the cat rules such
as ignoring anything the human might say, she asked her kitten if there
was question she might want to ask.
The kitten said, "Momma, you have given me all the situations a cat might
get into and the proper cat-responses but, what should I do if a new
situation comes up that you haven't covered?"
Momma cat responded, "Oh my gosh! I'm SO glad you asked that. I've gotten
into so many rules that I forgot the most important first rule!"
Kitten asked: "What is that, Momma?"
Momma drew up and looked kitten right in the eye and said: "When in doubt
-- wash!"
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A Cat Heaven
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets
the Lord himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if
there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please
let Me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with
a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the
cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go
to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The
mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run
from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running;
we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we
don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each
mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a
deep sleep on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How
are things since you arrived?"
The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better
than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been
sending by are theeeeeeee best!!!"
More Cat Jokes
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