- A computer customer was asked by a customer service to send copies of her
defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the caller along
with photocopies of the floppies.
- A Linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English, a double
negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Spanish and Russian, a
double negative is still a negative. However," the professor explained, "there
is no language in which a double positive can form a negative." A voice from
the back of the room said, "YEAH, RIGHT."
-
As he hammered siding into the
house, Clem would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then
either toss it away or pound it into the house.
"Hey, Clem, why are you throwing those nails away?" yelled Lem, the
foreman.
"If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward the house, then
I nail it into the side," said Clem. "If it's pointed toward me, I throw
it away 'cause it's defective."
"You moron!" yelled Lem. "The nails pointed toward aren't defective.
They're for the other side of the house."
-
It seems that every time our
piano tuner, John, comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long
between tunings. I agree with him that it should be done every six months,
but I don't really think about the piano until it sounds off-key.
"If you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist," I declared,
"I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a more timely
fashion."
Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on, when the dentist sends you a
postcard, call me."
-
A dentist sat down with a
patient to go over all the work. Her total estimate was $10,420.
The patient gasped and said "for that kind of money, I could get a tummy
tuck and breast implants."
"But what about your smile?" asked the dentist.
"If I had all that done," patient responded, "I guarantee no one would be
looking at my teeth."
-
A new sales assistant was
hired at a large department store. On his first day, the sales manager
took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening
section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales
manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me,
but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
Customer: I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer: Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a lawn mower to
cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer: I'll take one of those too.
After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. "You
see?" he said, "that's the way to make a good sale. Always sell more than
what the customer originally came in for."
Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where
he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too?
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend's shot to hell anyway, so you might as
well mow the lawn.
-
A
dentist sat down with a patient to go over all the work. Her
total estimate was $10,420.
The patient gasped and said "for that kind of money, I could get
a tummy tuck and breast implants."
"But what about your smile?" asked the dentist.
"If I had all that done," patient responded, "I guarantee no one
would be looking at my teeth."
-
Safety was job one at work.
During a safety training course, the instructor asked, "Does your company
have an evacuation plan?"
"Yes," said one employee, "and it works without a hitch."
"Really? How'd you do that?"
"We practice every day at five o'clock."
-
A photographer was invited to a dinner and took a along a few photos. The
hostess looked at his work and said, "These are very good. You must have
an excellent camera." After the meal, the man said to the hostess, "That
was delicious. You must have some excellent pots."
-
Marketing
101: Marketing for Beginners
You see a gorgeous girl at a party and
you say to her, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party and you get her telephone number. The
next day you call and say, "I'm very rich. Marry me." That's
Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says,
"You are very rich." That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party and say to her, "I'm rich. Marry me."
She slaps your face. That's Customer Feedback.
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