- A young man used to work in a fire-hydrant factory. He couldn't park anywhere near
the darn place.
- The nurse said to the doctor, "There's an invisible man in the waiting
room." The doctor replied, "Tell him I can't see him now."
-
Rosey and Nina were dining at
a French restaurant. Rosey asked Nina, "What are the snails like here?"
Without missing a beat, Nina replied, "They're disguised as waiters."
-
A guy shows up late
for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happend at 8:30?"
-
Jones
came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found
the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked
sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided
to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the
drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river --
look, my suit is still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr.
Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was
carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously
disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
-
A man walked into a barbershop
asking how much for a haircut.
"Ten dollars," barber answered.
"And for a shave?"
"Six dollars."
"Alright, then," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."
-
Have you heard the one about
the architect, artist and computer engineer who were discussing whether it
was better to have a wife or a mistress?
The architect argued that a wife was better so that a foundation for the
future could be built.
The artist countered that a mistress’s passion was far better than
anything a wife could provide.
The programmer said he would like to have both: one will always assume
you’re with the other, so you can spend as much time in the office as you
like.
-
A
man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his
operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't
worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
And the man responded, "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the
doctor."
-
A company, feeling it is time for a
shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company
of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy
leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them
know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how
much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200 a week.
Why?"
The CEO hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's
pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Surprisingly, the guy takes the
cash with a smile, says "Yes sir! Thank you, sir!" and leaves.
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room
and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what the slacker did here?"
With a
sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy."
-
A
woman walked into a store and asked the butcher for a whole roster. The
butcher showed her the last bird he had on hand and the woman asked "Do
you have one that's a little larger?"
He didn't want her to know it was the last
one, so he said "Of course" and took the roaster behind the counter, away from
view, and made a lot of noise rolling it around the ice, as if he was
searching for just the right one. He then showed the same bird to her.
"Better," she said. "Do you have one with a little more meat on it?"
He took
the bird, rolled it in the ice again and offered it up a third time.
"Great,"
the woman said. "I'll take all three."
-
Joe and Al think there's
big money to be made by starting a bungee jumping business in Mexico. They
travel to Mexico City and set up in a square. Soon a crowd assembles. Joe
and Al decide to give a demonstrations. So Jo jumps. When he bounces back
up, Al notices he has a few cuts and scratches. Joe leaps again. On the
rebound, he's even more bruised and bloodied. So Al catches him. "What
happened?" he asks. "Was the cord too long?"
"No, it was the crowd," Joe gasps. "What's a pinata?"
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