- Sex is like a bank account. You put it in,
you take it out, you lose interest.
- Q: Who made the first soft drink?
A: Adam -- he made Eve's cherry pop
- Three couples went in to see the minister
to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they
would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him
how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the
final couple was newlywed.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired
couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was
tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds
said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over
to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in
the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."
- A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy
restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served
a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle.
When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the
meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's
testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to
the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner,
but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the
restaurant, but he can have it tomorrow. The diner agrees. The next day
the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his
food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He
mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, ''Well sir you have
to understand, sometimes the bull wins''.
- Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same
day, but a mix up in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong
places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven. After a couple of
days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to
heaven and Bill gets on the other to go to hell.
The two pass each other
on the way and Bill asks, "How bad was it down there?"
The Pope says, "Not
that bad, kind of hot and noisy, but I am glad to be going up to heaven
now. There's one thing up there I have been looking forward to."
Bill
asks, "What is that?"
The Pope replies, "I want to meet the Virgin Mary."
Bill, shakes his head sheepishly and whispers to the Pope, "Too late."
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