- Children in the back of the car cause
accidents. Accidents in the back of the car cause children.
- What do mopeds and fat ladies have in
common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
- Two engineering students were walking
across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
- There's a bunch of doctors gathered
together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a
female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the
next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of
dinner. After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his
hotel room.
''Sure,'' the woman says. ''Let me go wash my hands first.''
After she washes her hands, they have sex.
After they are finished, she washes her hands again.
This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so he says, ''You know,
you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.''
Angry at this remark, the woman says, ''Well, you must be an
anesthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!''
- Three guys died and when they got to the
pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.
St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here.
But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions.
Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you
to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of
car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so
huge!"
St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?"
The guy replied, "24 years."
St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"
The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven."
Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to
drive."
The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I
was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during
our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter."
Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Mercedes SUV for you to
drive."
The third guy said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married
for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like
a queen!"
Peter said, "Now that's what I like to hear! Here's a Jaguar for you to
drive."
A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the
guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see
what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said,
"I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"
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