- Q: What did Ms. Lewinsky allegedly say
when offered a position at the UN?
A: Would that, then, be a "missionary position?"
- What do fat chicks and mopeds have in
common?
They're both fun as long as your friends don't see you on 'em!
- On the first day of college, the dean
addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the
male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the
second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you
$180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?", responded one of the student.
- There was a couple who did not want their
children to know when they were going to have sex, so they decided on a
code of ''writing a letter.''
One day, Daddy said to his daughter, ''Tell your mommy that Daddy wants to
write a letter.'' The girl went and told her mommy and the mom said, ''The
red ribbon is coming out, not now.'' The girl went back to the daddy and
told him.
One day, Mommy told her daughter to tell her daddy that she wanted to
write a letter. Daddy replied, ''Not now. Daddy already wrote the letter
by hand.''
- Halloween Phrases That Sound Dirty
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag....OH! You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth...
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
- A man was out of town on business. While
sitting around his hotel he became bored. So he thought to himself, "Hmm,
a beer would be really nice right now." So he began to wander the streets
of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar. And, after a few minutes he
came across one. He casually went inside and took a seat at the bar.
The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. Anxiously,
the man says, "Bud Light please."
The bartender then asked what the name of his penis was. The man looked at
him with confusion and said, "What are you talking about? All I want is a
Bud Light and, besides, I have no name for my penis."
The bartender, calming the man, said, "Look around, all you see is men.
That is because this is a gay bar. And the tradition is, when you order a
drink, you state the name of your penis. Then I'll serve you a drink."
The man, really thirsty for a beer, now says, "Fine. Give me couple of
minutes to think, and I'll order when I come up with something."
So he is thinking about it for a couple of minutes and still can't come up
with anything. So he decides to ask the guy next to him for an idea. The
man states, in a feminine voice, "Well I call mine Timex, because it takes
a lickin' and keeps on tickin."
The man quickly turns away and asks another man to his right. That man
states in a deep, gruff voice, "I call my Ford, because it is built ram
tough. Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Again, the man quickly turns away. Then, suddenly he says, "Bartender,
come here, I am ready to order."
The bartender says, "What'll ya have?"
The man says, "A Bud Light please."
The bartender asks, "What is the name of your penis?"
The man responds, "Secret... strong enough for a man but made for a
woman."
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