- What two things in the air can make a
women pregnant?
Her feet!
- Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!
- Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
- Q. Why is it called the wonder bra?
A.
Because when they take it off you wonder where her boobs went.
- Two hookers were riding around town with a
sign on top of their car that said, ''TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00.'' A
policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have
to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that moment, another car passed
with a sign saying, ''JESUS SAVES.'' The hookers asked the cop why he let
the other car go and he said, ''Well, that's a little different, it
pertains to religion.'' So the two ladies took their sign down and drove
off.
The following day the same cop in the area noticed the two ladies driving
aound with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust,
he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read,
''TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00.''
- An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman
were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives
were.
The Englishman says, ''I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she
went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on
sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in.''
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is
thicker.
''Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,'' he
laments, ''and she doesn't even know how to drive!''
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they
both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. ''Ah, it kills me every time
I think of it,'' he chuckles. ''My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I
watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in
there and she doesn't even have a penis!''
- Three nuns used to go to the church from
their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot
lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would
pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of
their respective underpants. They tried to fool the parrot by switching
positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants
every day, but the parrot was never wrong.
Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any
underpants at all.
When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, ''Straight,
straight, curly.''
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