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Jokes on Marriage & Wedding
- My
Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our
engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to
me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never
marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive
me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
- At a
friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the
flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward
why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good
ring bear."
- As he
lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without
telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All
those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women.
And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them."
His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the
poison?"
- It's
for my mother-in-law," explained the mourner at the funeral procession.
Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, "My Doberman
here killed her."
"Gee...That's terrible," commiserated the spectator. "But... Hmmmm... Is
there anyway you might lend me your dog for a day or so?"
The bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and answered,
"Get in line."
- Once
there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in
the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful
daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and
during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition
to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the
man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large
splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and
screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as
though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side
with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was
impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could
be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter
or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your
daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
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