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Four Catholic ladies were
having coffee one afternoon.
The first Catholic women tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he
walks into a room, everyone calls him father." "
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks
into a room, people call him 'your grace.'"
The third Catholic lady says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, he's called ‘Your Eminence.’"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three
women prod her with a subtle, '"Well??"
So she replies, "My son is 6'2. He has broad, square shoulders. Terribly
handsome. Tight muscular body. Hard buns and a very nice bulge. He is also
a male dancer at a female strip club and whenever he walks into a
room…women gasp,‘OH MY LORD!’"
-
In line at the bookstore,
a man was seen holding two bestsellers he was ready to purchase:
Conversations With God and How to Argue and Win Every Time.
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When the good Lord was
making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of
normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then
the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20
years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty."
"May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed. The Lord
called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only
wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey,
who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough.
Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of
monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass
out of himself.
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Three nuns were taking a walk one day.
''I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some pornography
magazines," said the first nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the second.
"I threw them away."
"I was cleaning the Father's room yesterday and found some condoms," said
the second nun.
"What did you do with them?" asked the first.
"I punched holes in them." The third nun fainted.
-
The bartender was washing
his glasses when an elderly Irishman came in and with great difficulty,
hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and
asked for a sip of Irish Whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and
said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, and the Irishman
told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskery also.
The Next patron was an
ailing Italian with a hunched back and slowness of movement. He shuffled
up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down
the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting down there. The bartender
nodded, and the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, also.
The third patron, a
redneck, swaggered in dragging his knuckles on the floor and hollered,
"Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey is that God's Boy down there?" The
barkeep nodded, and the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.
As Jesus got up to leave,
he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his
leg, and he got up an danced a jig out the door. Jesus touched the Italian
and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Italian felt his back
straighten, and he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the
door. Jesus walked toward the redneck, and the redneck jumped back and
exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability!"
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