- The guy who created the SAT tests died
recently at the age of 92, when his car that was going 30 miles per hour
collided with a train that was going 50 miles per hour.
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
- This neutron walks into a bar, order a drink
and asks "How much would that be?" bartender reply "for you, no charge!"
- Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in
love, and get married, the ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was
brilliant.
- A dog doesn’t want much and is happy to get it. A
cat doesn’t know what it wants and wants more of it.
-
Mr. Ludwig found a ransom note slipped under his front
door: "Bring $100,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10 a.m.
if you ever want to see your wife alive again."
But it was after 12 o'clock by the time he arrived at the designated meeting
spot.
A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're two hours late.
What took you so long?"
"Give me a break!" said Mr. Ludwig, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 25
handicap."
-
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and
watching the brothel across the street.
They say a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye,
'tis a shame to see a man of cloth goin' bad."
Then they say a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis
a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."
Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said,
"What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."
-
Santa was very cross. It was Xmas Eve and
nothing was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were
complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had while making the
toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make
matters worse, they had taken the sleight out earlier and had crashed it into a
tree.
Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents
all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves
are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little
Angel out hours ago to find a tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going
to do?" Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from
the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.
He says, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?."
And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass.
-
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country
and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the
farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news,
the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's
dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What
happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars
back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
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