-
What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?
BINGO!
-
A jumper
cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
-
Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the
world-wide rights to Viagra?
He's renaming it MICROHARD.
-
A sandwich
walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
-
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the
drunk led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" asked the friend.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? How's it work?"
"Watch," said the drunk. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an
ear-shattering pound and stepped back. Someone on the other side of the
wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's four in the morning!"
- Paul goes into a bar and tells the bartender "Drinks for everyone. I'm
buying!".
"What's the occasion?" asks the bartender.
"I just finished a jigsaw puzzle, and it only took me six months," Paul
replies.
"Six months?" says the bartender. "What's the big deal? It shouldn't take
you six months to do a puzzle."
"Oh, yeah?" Paul answers.
"On the box it said 'two to four years'!"
-
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home."
"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at dinner for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her,
honey, why don't you try carrying several things at once?"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert.
"It used to take her 30 minutes to make dinner. Now I do it in ten...."
-
A
young man at a New Year’s party turns to his
friend and asks for a cigarette.
'I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit
smoking,' his friend says.
'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says.
'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'
'What's phase one?'
'I've quit buying.'
Bumper Stickers to start the new year:
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
More Jokes
==>>
Back to Index of
Jokes & Quotes =>> |
