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A Drastic Diet
A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds,
due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would
ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight
loss program. ''Guaranteed my ass,'' he thought to himself, but desperate,
he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day/ 10 pound weight loss
program.
The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in
nothing but a pair of NIKE running shoes and a sign around her neck. She
introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, ''If you can catch me you can have me!''
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later,
huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, ''I like the
way this company does business.''
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.
On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost
ten pounds, as promised.
So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound
program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there
stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his
life, wearing nothing but REEBOK running shoes and a sign around her neck
that reads, ''If you can catch me, you can have me.''
He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while
to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine
happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and
found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/ 50
pound loss program.
''Are you sure,'' asks the representative on the phone, ''this is our most
rigorous program...''
''Absolutely,'' he replies. '' I haven't felt this great in years!''
The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds
Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a
sign around his neck that reads, ''If I catch you, I have you!!'
A young man goes into a drug
store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9
or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, ''I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really
hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's ''the'' night. We''re
having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a
feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me
all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits
down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give
the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying
with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a
religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a
pharmacist."
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